Currently I'm going through Jennie Allen's study called: Restless. It is so amazing to see how God works. This week the study is on suffering and so many things spoke to me as I read what she wrote.
Here's a few quotes from Chapter 3:
You have to thank God for the seemingly good and the seemingly bad, because really, we don't know the difference.
He is not a God unfamiliar with suffering.
God wrote suffering into our stories and wants to redeem it for his glory.
I would have to say that losing my Mom is the biggest loss I've ever experienced. There are days I yell and scream at God because it is so hard to accept that my Mom is no longer on this earth. It isn't easy being left behind. Of course I miss her and want to spend time with her. To just live life with her.
But, amidst this grieving process, I can see God working. So many people throughout the world, especially Dominica, have been touched by my Mom's life and the way she lived her life. People are coming to know God because of how my parents met them and loved them.
I feel like I live with more purpose now. To pay it forward and live openly for God. Not that I wasn't doing this before, but God has a way of teaching that has reminded me that I'm not promised tomorrow here on earth. Anything can happen and living boldly for God is definitely my priority.
I have peace knowing my Mom is no longer suffering physical pain. She has been healed in more ways than one. Growing up I knew she was in pain, but as Lupus progressed her pain intensified. And, I know I will see her someday when we are reunited in heaven. I have to remind myself of these things on my roughest days!
I may not like what my summer of loss brought me. And, quite honestly, grieving sucks. But I'm trying to embrace the lessons God is teaching me.
Here's a quote from my Mom that I want to remember as I continue on this journey:
" when it comes to obedience to the call of God and my eternity...I will do whatever He asks of me."
**If you have experienced deep loss in your life, I highly recommend attending Griefshare. I have only attended 1 class, but it is something I will continue attend.
And, for those interested in supporting the Church of the Nazarene in Dominica, here's an update from caringbridge about a Memorial for my Mom: