You would think that on my Mom's birthday I might have a different emotion. But this morning I was angry.
Angry that on my daughters 1st day of 1st grade a few days ago I couldn't call my Mom and cry together over my baby growing up.
Angry that on my Mom's birthday I didn't have it in me to tell my daughter it is her Mammie's birthday because I didn't want to have her think about it all day at school without me.
Angry that I can't call my Mom and sing the birthday song as horribly and off key as possible.
I'm angry that my son won't have a memory of his Mammie other than what we tell him.
Angry that I'm even in this situation.
Angry over being angry, and how much it hurts.
And, then, just like that as I was getting ready to head out the door to spend time with others focusing on health.
My anger evaporated.
I spent time with amazing people willing to listen to me despite my tears.
Agreeing that it is ok to feel so deeply.
I also had lots of texts from dear friends saying they were praying for me today.
And, when I got home this was waiting for me on my doorstep:
It is beautiful! And, my Mom loved roses!
Happy Birthday Mom, I wish I could deliver these flowers to you in person!
Thank you my dear friends and family who are praying and supporting us through this time!
I know I will look back on this time and see how God carried me!
And, thank you to a new friend for sharing this quote from my Mom about going to Dominica:
" when it comes to obedience to the call of God and my eternity...I will do whatever He asks of me."