Thursday, September 4, 2014

September 4th will never be the same...

You would think that on my Mom's birthday I might have a different emotion. But this morning I was angry.

Angry that on my daughters 1st day of 1st grade a few days ago I couldn't call my Mom and cry together over my baby growing up.

Angry that on my Mom's birthday I didn't have it in me to tell my daughter it is her Mammie's birthday because I didn't want to have her think about it all day at school without me.

Angry that I can't call my Mom and sing the birthday song as horribly and off key as possible.

I'm angry that  my son won't have a memory of his Mammie other than what we tell him.

Angry that I'm even in this situation.
Angry over being angry, and how much it hurts.

And, then, just like that as I was getting ready to head out the door to spend time with others focusing on health. 
My anger evaporated.

I spent time with amazing people willing to listen to me despite my tears. 
Agreeing that it is ok to feel so deeply.

I also had lots of texts from dear friends saying they were praying for me today.

And, when I got home this was waiting for me on my doorstep:

It is beautiful! And, my Mom loved roses!
Happy Birthday Mom, I wish I could deliver these flowers to you in person!
Thank you my dear friends and family who are praying and supporting us through this time!
I know I will look back on this time and see how God carried me!
And, thank you to a new friend for sharing this quote from my Mom about going to Dominica:
" when it comes to obedience to the call of God and my eternity...I will do whatever He asks of me." 


  1. Angie, Connie lost her mom in 1981, just 2 months before Michael was born, and 15 months before Tim. Since my mom did not know how to be a mother, or grandmother, we had 2 boys grow up essentially without one. Our 2 oldest were 8 and 5, and had a lot of time with her to that point. Obviously we are many miles down the road since that time, but those feelings still surface when we look at our kids and grandkids, and know how proud Fay would have been of them. It is hard because my 2 girls, Connie and our daughter Jennifer, lost the person they could most talk with, and resolve issues, mostly with me. Us those feelings to do what you are doing in serving, nd when the time comes, be the best grandma on Earth. We cannot get enough of our 5 grandies, and will dedicate ourselves to seeing that our grandkids get what our kids did not get. Our prayers will continue for your family.

    1. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and sharing part of your story!

  2. I forgot to mention that like your mom, Fay was a Godly woman. He ministry was as a paryer warrior, and Sunday school superintendent. Thanks to our hope in a risen Savior, we know that we will see her again, along with a little one that we lost in 1980, and our little granddaughter, stillborn almost 2 years ago. I do not know how people cope with life without that hope, and the comfort of faith in Christ. Yes, I have grown up a bit since the days of being Josh's basketball coach.

    1. I'm so glad that you have commented! I agree, that I'm not sure where I'd be right now if I didn't have my faith in God!